The Middle Years: – Story of a TamBram

As i woke up today with the shining rays of the sun, I got a phone call. It was good news, great news, actually surpirisngly good news.

What I had just heard took me back the memory lane.

Just like our childhood, the Middle years too hold a very important place in our lives. These are the years when a man needs to grapple with his inner demons and make decisions that have a very profound impact on his future. These may be decisions both personal and professional and may be ridiculously easy or exponentially difficult.

This period in life which begins at 20 and ends somewhere in the mid 30’s is marked by various stages like higher education, employment, marriage, children, aged parents etc.

Against this backdrop, I would like to introduce to you one of my best friends who has a lot in common with me and I would like to take his case as an ideal one to see what it takes to make the most toughest decision of all time that many men shudder to even think of, many cower and others relish – MARRIAGE!!!!!

This friend of mine from, how do I put this, well, from pre-historic times, has got characteristics similar to mine.

He hails from an orthodox TamBram family, a very pious man who goes to temple daily and also on weekends, very particular about reaching a place in time and also a stickler to rules and regulations as well as one who thinks thousand times to cross that unquoted line that parents draw for their kids.

This friend of mine, Lets Call him Mr.A, was enchanted in our high school days by a girl who was far more superior in the academic field (crazy, how those things mattered then) & he was afraid to go and talk to her about his crush on her. The result being the girl getting married to one of his own classmates who would ideally not be seen as the perfect combination at that time.

Then another major crush happened when he was working in a premier financial institution wherein he fell in love with a young lady who was known to be a fierce individual and also was one step above him in the corporate ladder. Our man tried to open up to her many times but never could make it face to face resulting in yet another heart break. Last heard the girl is happily married for nearly a year and wonder of wonders has moved to a locality near our own hero’s house!!!!

I being a friend was always aware of his various crushes and out of curiosity asked him about the reasons for this since I knew for a fact that there would not arise any inter-caste repercussions if he were to go ahead and marry any one of them since both ladies in question were simple TamBram women. He was blatant enough to tell me the truth that these two girls whom he liked a lot had many things in common that he wanted in a girl –fiercely independent, go-getters and people on whom you can depend if ever you were in a life threatening situation that they would take care of your family and not bat an eyelid about their personal loss (at least that’s what he thought). He would tell me in is own humorous way Arrey yaar, ‘Imagine I propose to her and she accepts my proposal, then I will have to marry her. But afterwards, there arises a situation wherein I have to play the judge and juror in the house after a hard day in office that would lead to an unpleasant situation. Especially if it’s a case of mother pitted against the wife. Coz no matter what decision the man gives, he stands to lose either way, be it the husband or the son. So I always wait for them to come to me!’ Also his parents being real orthodox, there are quite a few rules in the house which may or may not be liked by all.

Then I put forth another question – How is it that you cope up so well with your so called loss since he has an ever smiling face except when he is angry or in one of his moods.

I even went to the extent of telling him that a man not mourning about his lost love ever thought about loving at all.

That’s when he repeated one of the oft mentioned cliches in Hindi films about Bus,train aur ladki – Ek jaati hai tho doosri aati hai!!!!. I was appalled at this emotionless (Though he is never an emotional being at least to the outside world) and seemingly childish answer to my question. The next moment he surprises me with – Tho kya karoon Suicide kar loon gham main doobke? I cannot even do that coz I am a coward. I asked him in what sense do you term yourself a coward.

He says – “Ask any man to jump from the top of a 10 storeyed building or to consume a bottle of rat poison or rather to shoot/knife himself and he will look at you like you are a crazy man. That is because every man however much obstacles he may face, loves his life. So men who are courageous enough to make that decision should be appreciated. I cannot bring myself to do it since the moment such a thought enters my mind, the sullen faces of my parents occupy center position and all such thoughts get blown away. However much I try to be emotionally un-attached, I cannot bring myself to do it.”

I do not know whether anyone else is satisfied with this explanation, But I sure was and these words coming from a man who I have known to be an emotionless creature. Now for the twist – Life sure has its ways of proving things wrong just when they seem to be right.

Last heard our man has married a Northerner, a Kashyap girl and is presently honeymooning in the backwaters of Kerala.

He married so suddenly that even friends like us came to know after 2 days.

P.S. – Mate, if you are reading this, Please don’t think of this as my way of getting back at you. Am waiting with open arms for your return to our world.

Tell me what you think. I had a great start for my day.

Mani S